Say Vhat?! Do the People Want a VW with a German Accent?

He sits there before his microphone, round and retro, emanating the cuteness that made him an icon in America. On this occasion, he’s in somber black, though he’s usually seen decked out like a jelly bean. And then he speaks…

And out comes the voice of a German man.
And he’s saying, “I know what the people want.”

Yeah, right…

I usually applaud and occasionally bow down before the work done by ad agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky. For VW, they brought over the daring quirkiness they honed with the MINI Cooper. (MINI’s ads have been rather uninspired, even banal, since Crispin ditched that account.) I love Crispin’s 2006 “Unpimp Your Ride” ads for the VW GTI, with the German engineer from the hood (”Een da haus!”) and his dominatrix assistant, Helga…

But the talking Beetle?
Can we have Helga back?

First, there’s the issue of the voice. It didn’t bug me (no pun intended), but my wife, who’s a proud Beetle owner, was expecting something cuter and, well, groovier, as in the flower-child era the Beetle represents.

Then there’s the presumption that this German import knows what Americans want, and that might irk some people, even if many of the statements are user-generated. On the VW site, there’s some pseudo-participatory democracy, with polls submitted and answered by users. Some are pretty funny…

Others are a little more controversial, touching on subjects like private school vouchers. Or this one: “86% of the people want to tie management compensation to company performance.” Let’s see how that goes over at VW USA. Or at Crispin. (And I dare CBS News to report on that.)

Then there’s the cat issue…

Uh, nein. As I reported in my silly book, there are significantly more cats registered as pets in America than dogs. (According to the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association, pet cats outnumber pet dogs in the U.S. 88.3 million to 74.8 million.)

Most VW Beetle owners are women, and women are widely regarded to prefer cats, so is it wise for our German dude to be making that assertion? (Rule #1 of marketing: know your customer.)

Now, mascots have proven to be wildly effective in advertising, whether they’re human (yes, Jared of Subway, you’re a mascot) or a talking gecko (do I even need to mention that I’m referring to GEICO here?). So why not a talking car?

When I first heard about this new VW campaign, I thought it was brilliant. I grew up watching Herbie the Love Bug, and I always saw the Beetle as having a personality. In an industry filled with such drab soulless lumps of sheet metal as the Camry, a car with personality goes a long way.

But I’m not so sure about this.

I can’t say I know what “The People” want on this issue, but I seriously doubt that this new incarnation of the Beetle will have a whole lot of mileage.