“Syrup”: The Antidote to Boring Business Books. And Klingons.

by Freddy J. Nager, Founder & Fusion Director, Atomic Tango LLC

"I write business books for a living. What do you do?"

I’m pissed. I just read one of the dullest business books ever — and I’ve read some pretty awful ones, including a few that I think are actually alien invasion plans written in code. You know, like anything written by economist N. Gregory Mankiw. He’s the guy who advised Bush on the economy, and reading one of his books is like chewing a sheet of tin foil. Mankiw’s baffling prose and Earth-inappropriate ideas lead me to suspect that he’s really a Klingon. Though I’m just guessing.

The book I read last night that set me off was called “Strategic Business Forecasting” by Ronald Sugar and Simon Ramo. Now why would I read anything like that if not on assignment or being threatened with waterboarding? Because the damn reviewer said it was witty…

In an L.A. Times article entitled “‘Strategic Business Forecasting’ is Wittier than Its Title,” reviewer Peter Pae claims, “Much of Ramo’s witty writing style is intact, with Sugar providing detailed analysis. Ramo became legendary for capsulizing complex ideas into wry witticism.”

Uh, no.

I didn’t find a trace of wry wit in this book. Indeed, “SBF” is so dry, I’m using it as a dehumidifier. The first half describes how to predict the future with an approach that’s essentially educated guessing. The second half consists of the authors’ predictions, and reads like a collection of undergraduate essays based on Wikipedia articles.

Uh, Peter, did you actually read this book? Really, now, fess up — did you?

Now, I might not have minded “SBF” so much if:

1. I had not expected business insights with a heady dose of levity, like the choice treats cooked up by my idol Dan Neil (also of the L.A. Times); and
2. It had it not cost me $23 and two hours of my time. For that much time and money, I could have gone to see “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and learned how to make hundreds of millions of dollars from a movie based on toys fighting. (Two words: Megan + Fox.)

I needed an antidote.

The antidote to the boring business book.

So I reached to my bookshelf and pulled down my prized hardcover copy of “Syrup” by Max Barry, which was written ten years ago and remains the best novel about marketing ever. Yes, a romantic comedy about marketing. It could only appeal to a geek like me, right?

Well, “Syrup” has also attracted an international readership, and is rumored to be coming out as a movie. And that’s because it’s actually witty — hey, Peter, you might want to read it to learn what “wit” looks like. “Syrup” centers on a young guy in L.A. who wants to be a millionaire through brilliant marketing ideas, including a new brand of Coca-Cola called “Fukk.” (Hence, the title.) “Syrup” also contains my favorite definition of marketing:

“Marketing is the biggest industry in the world, and it’s invisible. It’s the planet’s largest religion, but the billions who worship it don’t know it. It’s vast, insidious and completely corrupt. Marketing is like L.A. It’s like a gorgeous, brainless model in L.A. A gorgeous, brainless model on cocaine having sex drinking Perrier in L.A.”

I first read that as a young guy in L.A. working in marketing while surrounded by gorgeous, brainless models. Well, while wishing I was surrounded by gorgeous, brainless models.

So maybe the book only works for me. And it still does, ten years later. And it certainly works wonders after enduring such witticisms as this from page 108 of “Strategic Business Forecasting”:

“Having predicted the range, we then can examine the possible consequences to the future of our own particular activity at each limit with confidence that we probably have covered the situation, certainly not completely, or maybe not even adequately, but at least somewhat usefully. If either of the two limits were to occur and if we had earlier concluded that we could not survive with one, or worse, with either, then the forecasting process already will have been of some help to us in our management duties because we might have acted earlier to better the future as a result of our prediction attempts.”

Damn Klingons.

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