Black and White and Dead All Over: Can Journalism Survive Free Riders?

by Freddy J. Nager, Founder & Fusion Director, Atomic Tango LLC

Yeah, try re-bottling that. (illustration by Stuart MacKay-Smith)

It’s tough watching an old friend slowly die. Even tougher knowing that you’re helping to knock him off.

Before you go calling 911, the old friend I’m referring to is my daily newspaper. For decades, I’ve started every day with my morning paper. I score my sports and business fix while downing pure Colombian full-caf. Over the years, the two addictions have chemically intertwined to enhance their combined effects. Consequently, whenever I miss my morning coffee-n-paper jumpstart, I find myself fluttering from activity to activity the rest of the day like a fat pigeon in a hurricane.

And now, to my horror and profound sadness, newspapers are dying, losing readers and advertisers to the Web. As a blogger, I contribute to this lethal migration, not so much by stealing readers from newspapers (if only I had such drawing power), but by validating the Web as the place to go for scoop. I myself drink deeply from this vast sea of instant info. After all, why read papers for business alerts or sports scores when they’re updated every second online?

Going Out with a Really Big Bang: Celebrities Planning Even Grander Finales

by Freddy J. Nager, Founder & Fusion Director, Atomic Tango LLC

The following is a satirical work of fiction. Those easily offended should surf to safer territory now…

"You ain't seen nothin' yet..."

In the wake of Michael Jackson’s massive, media-saturated funeral, several Hollywood celebrities are reportedly looking into how they can make sure their own forthcoming funerals are as sensational.

Expressing My Inner TURFgeek: How I Became a Professional Sportswriter for a Day

by Freddy J. Nager, Founder & Fusion Director, Atomic Tango LLC

No, not me on the cover. Really.

Somebody my size with my athletic ability doesn’t play for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Picture an over-caffeinated chicken on a greased trampoline. It’s just not in my genetic cards.

So I did the next best thing: I wrote a bad-ass essay about the team. Actually a few essays…

Soccer Moms Voted Off The Island For Jumping The Shark: 10 Odd American Expressions You Should Know

Despite an economy that resembles roadkill, America still excels at media, including entertainment and news. We give good hype, and the Internet brings it to the rest of the world 24/7. One problem: all this unfiltered Yankee content poses a linguistic challenge for people in other countries, even those fluent in English. That’s because Americans also excel at screwing with the language — and I’m not just talking about Miss South Carolina (warning: excruciating cringe-inducing video ahead)…

Fox News: Worse Than The National Enquirer?

I don’t usually go to FoxNews.com, but today — October 24 — I wanted to see what they had to say about the mugging hoax by a McCain volunteer. Instead, I found the following top national headlines:

Hmmm, isn’t there like an economic crash, two wars, and — what do you call it? — oh, yeah, a Presidential election going on?

Meanwhile, the top two stories over at NationalEnquirer.com are about Cindy McCain and Joe Biden.

If ignorance is bliss, then Fox News is the happiest place on earth.

“Breaking News”: A Hilarious Spoof of Obama’s So-Called “Elitism”

The liberal blog Daily Kos just unleashed a scathing and hilarious spoof of the “uproar” around Barack Obama’s supposed “elitism.” It perfectly captures the pathetic state of American journalism, where “freedom of the press” has become “freedom to act like squirrel monkeys.”